Free Self Help Improvement Tips To Prevent The Most Expensive Mistake of Your Life
The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates
Jovan Belcher had it all. He played in the NFL for the Kansas City Chiefs. But he partied all night on the last night of his life, went home to his girlfriend, and shot her before taking his own life in front of his coach. He left a child without a mother or father.
To be sure, Jovan had so many strengths as a person and a player. Yet he neglected to address his greatest liabilities: his personal weaknesses.
In both our personal and business lives, we need to honestly address our weaknesses.
The strengths movement has revolutionized our thinking about performance in business. But the pendulum can swing to0 far in one direction, to the point that we forget the importance of overcoming our weaknesses.
Furthermore, we must remember that every strength has its weakness.
Put Yourself Out of Business: Or, Fire Yourself
In Kill the Company: End the Status Quo, Start an Innovation Revolution, Lisa Bodell suggests that any person or company do this exercise:
Imagine that you are your competitor: How will you put yourself out of business? What will be the weaknesses you will exploit in order to put you out of business?
You can do this exercise both from a business as well as a moral standpoint.
If you were to predict how you would fail morally (think David Patreus, or Richard Nixon), how would you fail? What skills need honing? What personality traits need to be addressed? What character issues need to be rectified?
Earlier this year, one of my trainers at work invited me to listen to a phone call I made to a customer.
The call lasted about 30 minutes. I was horrified to hear how often I interrupted the caller!
My wife has often told me I interrupt herself and others. And I’m a professional counselor! My job is to listen effectively.
So you can be sure I’ve been monitoring myself closely.
If I hadn’t received that critical feedback, I may have continued with a bad habit that would prove to be an expensive undoing to my career.
Suggestions for Preventing Expensive Mistakes
Take a Personality Test
I suggest two tests. The first free personality test is based on the Myers/Briggs personality inventory. Click here to take this test. (It’s free and I’m not an affiliate)
The second free personality test is based on the four temperament types. Click here to take this test. (It’s free, and I’m not an affiliate)
Take Your Strengths Inventory
I’ve written in the past about the Gallup Strengths Inventory. When you purchase the book, Strengths Finder 2.0, you’ll get your own code to unlock the test. Once you identify your strengths, you’ve got access to your full report. You can read the full description of each of your top five strengths. The action plan report that comes with the report will help you figure out how to grow your strengths.
But you can also learn about your weaknesses by choosing the opposite quality. For example, Harmonizer is my top strength. I’m a great diplomat, but I know that I struggle with putting a strong opinion out there in a discussion, and being comfortable with conflict. So I know that assertiveness and conflict avoidance are weaknesses I must address to be fully effective.
Take A Test To Pinpoint Your Character Strengths
Sign up at Dr. Martin Seligman’s site, Authentic Happiness, (free, and not an affiliate link) and you’ll have access to a variety of research based assessments. Take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. I was going to take the test while writing this article, but there are 240 items to answer! So I’ll put that on my “Do Later” list.
I’m guessing that once I pinpoint my character strengths, I can also think about the opposite to find character weaknesses I need to work on.
Review Your Moral Failings
I write this blog from a spiritual perspective and as a counselor, so I appreciate the knowledge Alcoholics Anonymous has collected in the course of helping thousands of people break free from alcoholism. The twelve steps, especially Step 4, is a simple yet profound way to find our own character defects/weaknesses.
Write down all the people, past and present, who you resent or have unfinished business with. Why are you angry with them? What happened? Then write what part you played in the breakdown of the relationship. In many cases, we also contributed to the trouble. What is our part?
Whether alc0holic or not, I believe each one of us can benefit from working through Step 4 and learning where we have fallen short in many of our relationships. Here’s a free worksheet for working Step 4.
Ask Others For Feedback
Dumb Little Man’s article, How To Fall In Love with Negative Feedback, tutored me in the way of listening without defensiveness during one of my most challenging moments in relationship with another person. After reading the article, I applied the tips, and they worked!
When you get your performance review, pay attention to your areas of weakness. How can you use your strengths to address those? Who can you partner with to help you learn new skills?
Loved ones often give us feedback for free! My wife, for example, lets me know about my strengths, but she’s not afraid to tell me about my annoying habits! And if she’s noticed, I’m sure the rest of the world around me has noticed, too!
Conclusion
We all have blind spots. Ask your good friends at times for areas you need to work on. Peyton Manning is one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time, Here’s what the article, Growing Up A Manning, says about his method of improving on his weaknesses:
Peyton’s film-study regimen has been well documented. He spent as much time in the film room in college as his coaches and would sometimes have pizzas delivered for late-night study sessions. In Indianapolis, Manning had a high-tech video system installed in his home.
Just as Peyton studies his own shortcomings to improve, so we can avoid expensive mistakes in our lives by studying both our strengths and weaknesses, and taking stps to amplify our strengths while working on our weaknesses.
Image credit: tiero / 123RF Stock Photo
How about you? Do you agree or disagree that we need to study our weaknesses? How have you overcome a weakness in your life?
Boy have you done your homework with this post Steve as well as gave us a lot as well 🙂 I have been on your blog for over an hour. I love these kind of tests but unfortunately I need to get back to work.. I have book marked this page and will come back again to find out more about myself.. I love how you said that your wife says you talk over people. or should I say interrupting… This is something I have been working on for a long time now Thanks for the great post Steve.. Chery 🙂
Chery, I’m glad you’re getting back to work 🙂 I heard a podcast productivity tip tonight that might help all of us. Use one browser for your personal stuff and one browser for work. For example, all your personal activity may be done on Firefox/Mozilla and all your work work will be done on Google Chrome. Then, when you’ve got something shiny or fun, you say, I’ve got to open my Firefox browser for that. It makes us pause before just going to the next fun thing and realizing 20 minutes later that we’ve still got work to do 🙂
Hey Stephen,
I am from Kansas City and I remember when this happen. The Chiefs played the game of their life the day after this. Not a Chiefs fan but a Colts fan. I still watched the game for some reason. I see myself as the Peyton Manning of SEO and Internet marketing 🙂
Aside from my rambling about football I am going to take the above quiz. I wonder how I will score on on the conflict part. I got in lots of fights when growing up…lol. I was trouble for a long time 🙂 Over the years mellowed out and learned how to channel my energy into stuff that’s productive. Always good to read your blog as it make me think about stuff in my life 🙂
Garen, way to go with your Peyton Manning visualization. I’m sure you’re throwing touchdowns already 🙂 You seem to be comfortable with conflict, whereas I tend to avoid it. The balance is in the middle: when we can intently listen to the other person we disagree with, see things from their point of view, and work on a win win solution, we’ve come a long way. I appreciate your feedback.
I’d love to listen to myself on a phone call. What a great way to see how we talk to people and how well we listen! I would’ve never thought of that. I think I may have that weakness too. Sometimes I want to get my point across so swiftly that I interrupt people even when I know I’m doing it. I know this post is not about that, but that point really resonated with me.
I’ll take a good look at how I speak, because how you speak and what you say tell a lot about who you are. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I’ll have to bring myself in check now.
Great advice as always Steve. Man, I’ve taken SO many of those personality tests over the years! In fact I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs personality assessment three times! I think I pretty much have a handle on my personality – for better or worse – at this point. But you are so right, it really does make a difference. – and not just within ourselves. For example, I worked for this one manager years ago and we just clashed about everything. We were in the same group the first time our employer had the staff take Myers-Briggs and the facilitator (excellent!) worked with us on that problem – once we were able to better understand our preferences we then identified the problem areas and we were able to greatly improve our working relationship. Of course, you have to be open to accepting the truth about yourself and creating meaningful change – but the tools are there when you are ready.
marquita herald recently posted…Could Hugs be the Answer to the World’s Problems?
Marquita, thanks for the input. Isn’t it amazing how a relationship can be restored when both sides are open to understanding each others’ preferences? Thanks for sharing your personal experience with us.
Steve Borgman recently posted…The Lazy Man’s Way to the Best Year Yet
Wow….this really hit me on so many points. First of all, Jovan was a very hurt individual to have been carrying on two, significant relationships at the same time – after having become a dad. You’re in such a state of flux after becoming a parent, so he really wasn’t making wise choices at all. I am so sorry that their baby has no parents now. That was selfish. It’s hard to read stories like this because I don’t understand them…but what I DO understand is that I am not perfect and I am also in need of much internal work. This article reminds me to take careful inventory of my own soul. Thank you so much for writing this, Stephen. I am sharing on Facebook right now…
Christi Johnson recently posted…The Beauty of LiveFyre For Protecting Your Blog…
Christi, thanks for pointing out the hurt that Jovan must have been carrying. It reminds me of a film, Antoine Fisher. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it, but it’s a powerful example (based on a true story) of a young man who took responsibility for his life, despite horrible occurrences in his childhood. He worked through his pain, and became a mature young man.
Stephen,
I am certain you will get a lot of WOWOWO for this post… I wanted to start as a WOW as well… but it seem like I do that to often, you guys are so great and I am learning so much, not sure if I can handle more, but as soon as another article come up, my mind open up again to learn.
Thanks so much for your great work in researching for this article and thanks so much for the tests… I did not take time to do it now, but as your self, I will have them on my “To do later List”
Thanks so much for your dedication to support others in every way possible.
nickc
nick catricala recently posted…In Life ___ What Did You Do?
I appreciate your enthusiasm, as always, Nick 🙂 I appreciate your wisdom as well.
I’m not sure I could listen to myself on a phone call! I may have to record some that I make with clients so that I know that I’m actively listening to them.
There’s so much in this post Stephen, I’m gonna have to digest all that you’ve written, so I’ll be bookmarking it and coming back to it.
Steven this is such great advice.
Yes, I do study my weaknesses all the time. When it comes to business, and I find myself either procrastinating, or saying “I can’t” to myself it is a red flag in my mind. So I find a way to do it.
But it comes down to many “inner” things that may be in my subconscious mind, or things I am not aware of. That being said, I seek help. I can reach out to a blogging buddy and have them critique what I’m doing OR….
I can go the extra mile and join a group. Last year I wanted to perfect my interpersonal relationships because sometimes I am too passive. I joined a DBT Diadectal Behavior Therapy group and made a 20 week commitment. I learned so much about myself and hungered for more, so I joined up for another 20 week session to learn all the modalities and skills and applied it to my life.
Now, I can communicate more effectively with my clients. There is always help out there, all we need to do is to look at our weakness, and go for it.
Thanks for this wonderful post.
Donna
I agree it’s definately important to work on our weaknesses. I know recently I asked for some feedback on something and initially I was defensive and angry, but then I realized the people were trying to help and since allowing myself to study that subject and be open to learning i’ve seen all the things i’ve been missing and have been learning so much!
So in the end it was positive!
-Ben
Ben recently posted…I’m so addicted to being addicted
Hi Steve,
What an excellent post! I agree that it’s important to study our weaknesses and see how we can work on them so we can be more effective both in life and business. I have taken some personality tests over the years when I was in pharmaceutical sales and the results were very enlightening. Thanks for helping all of us with your self improvement posts!
Shelley Alexander recently posted…Avocado Lime Popsicles
Great advice, obviously, and filled with practical helps.
I remember a trainer who worked for me when I was a training manager for a semiconductor equipment company. He was a decent trainer, just out of the military where he had also done training. But he had this weakness of saying “…OK?” at the end of his sentences. A weakness because it was truly distracting to his listeners. And he knew it. To help himself, he put a sheet of paper with the large letters “OK” on the back wall where he would see it while presenting.
Did it work? Somewhat. But it does raise the issue of what is involved in overcoming weaknesses like “interrupting others.” They are habits and do not go away easily.. They can be addressed through continual feedback, but that can be a complicated to set up or time-consuming to administer, depending.
So we have
1 Discover your weaknesses
2 Choose to address them
3 Then comes the hard part
Richard Goutal recently posted…Friends
There’s so much value here, Steve. Being mindful of and committing to work on our weaknessess is indeed something that’s important. The occassional feedback is sometimes not enough, as you mentioned that you received from your spouse. Purposefully and actively exploring these characteristics seems to have more meaning. Thank you for sharing the resources to do so – I will definitely explore mine.
Dena Lynn
Dena-Lynn recently posted…Ready For An Entrepreneur Opportunity in 2013?
great post ,…… there is no one didn’t make mistakes
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” Albert Einstein
Wonderful advice Stephen. We are have strengths – innate abilities, talents, passion – that are unique to us. When we use our strengths during our work, we are more fulfilled and engaged in what weare doing. I also like the VIA Strengths Inventory on the University of Pennsylvania’s positive psychology website.
Rachel Lavern recently posted…Is Pure Leverage All Hype?
Great post! There were definitely resources here that I’d never seen and I’m going to check out. Thanks so much!
Jeremy, thank you for stopping by! I’m honored to meet you here. And sorry about getting you mixed up with Jason over at your blog 🙂
Not a problem at all. I love what you are doing here!
Mistakes are the best way for us to grow and learn.
Lately I ave found out my resistance to taking risks , doing things the right way is NOT always the best way for us to grow and learn.
Playing to win versus playing not to lose makes all the difference.
Thanks for sharing these amazing resources your blog is a source of wisdom, information and inspiration;)
Patricia Gozlan recently posted…How to Conquer Your Fear of Not Having Enough
Excellent post and very timely for me 🙂
I have actually been through one of this lately. Whenever I’m stuck I tend to do self-examination to see what is it that I need to learn in order for me to move forward. I have been doing something personally that I tend to just brush off and ignore. It’s been a cycle and it’s been in my face, screaming at me until this past few days when I decided to finally hear it.
It’s a painful realization and now that I finally acknowledged it and is doing something to correct it, I hope I can finally move on to the next chapter of my life and business.
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