One key success factor in business and in life is knowing how to effectively cope with people rejection.
I’m honored to have a guest writer this week. M. Farouk Radwan is a millionaire and entrepreneur, and founder of 2KnowThyself, a very helpful personal growth development site. As a successful entrepeneur, he knows that success breeds its detractors. Here are some of his thoughts on overcoming people rejection.
5 ways to deal with people who put you down
We all have goals that we want to achieve and big dreams that we want to fulfill. Almost everyone who has announced his goals and dreams started facing criticism, rejection and comments that have the purpose of putting him down.
The problem with such comments is that they sometimes come from close people and people you trust and thus you might find it hard not to believe them. After all according to subconscious mind programming the repetition of any statement by a trusted source will certainly turn it into a strong belief.
And if it happened that you believed those people who put you down you will never pursue your dreams and you will fulfill their prophecy!!
So how can you deal with such people?
The best way to deal with people who put you down is to not believe them but talking is easier than really doing that. How can you prevent yourself from believing the suggestions those people are saying to you? This can simply be done by understanding their real motives.
In the next few lines I will tell you why people put you down and this will certainly help you find out whether you should believe them or not:
1) Jealousy:
Many people will try to put you down even close ones just because they are jealous of you. They believe that you are going to reach your goals and thus they do their best to prevent you from starting your journey.
2) They are afraid to be left out:
When all people become losers those who don’t make any effort feel good about themselves but what if all of a sudden someone tried to do something big? Won’t that make them feel left out? That will certainly happen and that’s the reason why so many people will try to put you down especially when your goals are big and different
3) They are afraid:
Not all people who will put you down will have bad intentions. Some people will put you down just because you remind them of their own fears when you announce your big plans. Many people are not brave and prefer to remain in the comfort zone and whenever they see someone trying to move out of his comfort zone they warn him because of believing that the world is a dangerous place while in fact the problem is that they are not brave enough.
4) They were severely criticized:
Many people who were severely criticized in their childhood have developed the habit of always thinking negatively. Those people criticize themselves all the time in their self talk and they do the same to anyone they come across
5) They can’t see the full picture:
Some people will try to put you down because they have good intentions like your parents for example. The problem with many of those people is that while their intentions are good they always give incorrect advice because of not being able to see the full picture you are seeing.
Should you believe them now?
After you knew why people put each other down, should you believe them?
Should you give up your dreams just because few people are jealous of you?
Should you response just because someone doesn’t want to see you successful?
Certainly that won’t be the right choice.
Written by M.Farouk Radwan, the founder of http://www.2knowmyself.com
photo credit: gideon_wright
Stephen,
Interesting how many reasons there can be for people to offer negative advice and find a way to discourage you and even intimidate you. That is why we need to be strong in our belief in our own self and in our dreams and it is essential for us to surround ourself with people who WILL support us,
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted…Tips for Co-Parenting After Divorce by Guest Blogger Scott Morgan
Dr. Erica, that’s so true. It’s been exciting to see you take off as you’ve believed in yourself and taken action. I know, too, that you have a fantastic group of mastermind mentors around you. Thanks for all you do!
Stephen,
Thank you so much for your very kind and supportive words.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted…Tips for Co-Parenting After Divorce by Guest Blogger Scott Morgan
Dealing with rejection is important for success. A leader doesn’t give up or stop from achieving goals because of rejection. A leader simply doesn’t care because he knows what he is doing is right. Many can’t see the full picture like we, so they tend put down.
Jacob recently posted…eCosway Company Unbiased Review
Jacob, if we are not facing rejection at some point in our success journey, it’s probably because we’re playing it too safe in many respects. And the more true we are to our vision of big and challenging visions and goals, the more some of these people may rise up. But we will know how to view them: with compassion, but not with too much attention.
Hi Stephen,
As Erica said we should be strong and believe in our selves no matter what others say, giving up is the easy path and what those who reject you expect to do but fighting for your dreams and your beliefs is what makes a man stand out from rest and most of the times people don’t like difference and they usually look down someone who is not like them…
Kostas@Seo Opportunities recently posted…Link Building Not Just For The Links!
Kostas, thank you for highlighting the importance of correct belief. Belief and faith are a big part of the solution.
Excellent post and some good advice in there Stephen. I would also add another reason:
Some people are plain mean. Whether motivated by jealousy, fear etc.. there are always those who will just love the idea of putting others down only because they are just “mean!”
I remember a girlfriend I had when I was a young man who was suffering from the fact that others were putting her down. One day I saw a fridge magnet that said: “Don’t let the swines get you down!” I bought it for her and if anything, looking at it on a daily basis put a smile back on her beautiful face!
Stevie @ What DO Men Want in Women recently posted…What DO Men Want in Women
Excellent, Stevie! She was fortunate to have you as such a positive influence in her life 🙂
Hi Steven
What a great post , I stop counting how many times people try to put me down.
Well what they don’t know the inspire my to prove them wrong.
Thanks
Theuns
Theuns, I love your attitude 🙂 That’s the way to do it!
This is such an important topic Steve and it goes far deeper than personal development … anyone who has suffered through an abusive relationship has experienced this on a grand and devastatingly personal level. In fact this type of put-down is one of the key tools that an abusive partner uses to control their victim. We tend to focus our attention on physical abuse because it touches us on such a primative level, while verbal abuse can be just as damaging but the victim is often left to suffer in profound silence.
marquita herald recently posted…The Secret to Achieving Greater Inspiration, Focus and Personal Power
Marquita, thanks for pointing out this serious topic. The subject of emotional and other abuse is such an important one to highlight. And those who are subjected to it need the empowerment to break free. But I know it’s a complex subject. Any good books you can recommend to anyone wanting to learn more about breaking out of an abusive relationship?
I think one of the my favorite mottoes these days is “Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business.” That’s not to say I’m not interested in their input on my ideas (indeed I am!), but I will respect and implement that input if and only if it seems to have some sound basis other than simply a personal opinion. On what is that input based? Is it based on personal experience? Existential data? Experience of others who have tried the same or similar thing? Did I seek this person’s input or opinion, or are they just coming at me with what they think? Is it a mix of positive and negative information? Can I use part of what they have to say and dispose of the rest? Other people’s input may be of GREAT value, but not necessarily their personal opinion. That’s really not that important to my goal and really none of my business. It’s just their opinion . . . take it or leave it.
Steve Vernon recently posted…Ants and Us
Steve, you have such a great point. Considering the source is a great suggestion: I am happy to listen to readers or to other online entrepreneurs who seem to have my best interests in mind. Even if a person is somewhat rude or off-putting, if what they have to say is based, as you stated, in some facts or in previous feedback I’ve received, I’ll listen. But personal attacks take a back burner, and are none of my business.
Hi Steve,
If a person puts me down, I am polite and I immediately work to let myself know that I am loved by God and valued as a person. I just don’t absorb it. Now constructive criticism from people I respect is different but you know when it is coming from a person who is guiding you rather than putting you down.
It is a sign of insecurity if you need to put someone else down.
Clare
clare@holistic health recently posted…Water – Could You Be Dying Of Dehydration?
Clare, I could not have said it better myself. Thanks for the helpful insights!
I’m sure it can be difficult sometimes but being true to our self in a way that means we are happy and comfortable in our own skin may often mean blocking out the negativity from someone else. Not everyone will suits us and sometimes we have to know when to walk away from people who do nothing for us except cause damage 🙂
Sadie-Michaela Harris recently posted…Facebook Timeline for Pages is Now Live | How to Guide Here!
Sadie-Michaela, as we engage in our personal growth, it’s increasingly important to be able to be authentic to our own values, gifts, thoughts, and opinions. Too often we muzzle ourselves, depriving the world of our unique thoughts, ideas, and contributions.
Great post Steve, I like what Steve Vernon says about others opinion of me is none of my business… I must admit I wish it was easier for me to brush it off when someone express their opinion on something I do. When people disagree with me, I’ve always been the type of person to believe them. I don’t know where that starts in life but for me, it’s been somewhat of as issue. I have done a lot of personal growth and now It gets easier to not be affected by others people’s opinion. I tend to listen but keep my strong sense of belief in myself. My son seem to have the same types of issues and I find myself wanting so much for him to listen to my advice but I think this is something that we need to sort out.
Nathalie Villeneuve recently posted…Are Your Networking And Connecting Efforts Paying Off?
Nathalie, you probably have the gift of being a kind, generous, and empathetic person. Every strength has it’s potential for growth. Like you, I have needed to honor my own thoughts and opinions so that I don’t absorb others’ opinions without any critical thought. And sometimes it’s more of a feeling than a thought. Those are just as important to monitor: are these my feelings, or just the feelings I am taking on from others?
Stephen,
great post! Watch how if you share your dreams with successful people they are almost always encouraging. Share your dreams with people who are unsuccessful in life and they are the ones who will tell you that you cannot do it. Partly they are negative on your dreams because they really don’t believe you can achieve them, partly they are jealous that you still have a dream in your heart.
Thanks,
Jupiter Jim
Jupiter Jim recently posted…Thesis Tutorial: Add “Facebook Fan Page LIKE Box” to your WordPress Blog or Website
I am normally polite, but there are a few times in my life I have had to be a little bit mean back…nothing overly…just to let them realize how badly they were going on when I have done nothing to them.
Nile recently posted…Blondish.net Podcast: Email Marketing for Blogging Newbies
It’s a hard thing to see when people who are close to you decide that “for your own good” that you need to be knocked down a peg or two. The reasons that Farouk is listing are some of the most prevalent ones for sure.
In my personal opinion, it seems that many of these rejections and put downs stem from fear. I don’t know if all of them do, but the lashing out and the snide comments and sometimes just the choice of words to express something, hurt.
This is a great post. thank you Farouk and Stephen for sharing it with us.
Micahel recently posted…A Trip To The Deli
Micahel, you stated your points very well. Thank you for the reminder of how fear can destroy. We have to learn to harness and transform fear into love.
Hi Steve, I didn’t realise there were so many different reasons why people put others down. It seems that hardly any of the reasons have anything to do with the person they are putting down. It’s always to do with “them”.
It’s the same with most things really, and that’s why we all should listen to our “inner selves” rather than other people.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us Steve, it helps to understand why people might react as they do!
Regards from Julieanne
Julieanne van Zyl recently posted…How to Optimize Your Blog Posts
Julieanne, thank you for your comments. It does help to understand why people react as they do. In more extreme cases, we need to learn to assert ourselves and defend ourselves as well.
Hey Stephen,
Very good write up.
I have another example here….It can be a very painful experience for anyone who is sincere in giving help but ended up your friend who needed help at that time turned you down when help is not needed on his part in the next day or two while you think you are still in the making because all can only be sorted out in at least a week or more but he changed his mind too fast because he has a lot of uncertainties. So, this step already makes a person feels that such friend do not think your time is valuable at all. Why we feel hurt then ?
So, my opinion is that frequent communication and firm decision is essential to avoid misunderstanding and hurt before helping someone in his personal matter. Anyway, if this situation happened to you, just let it go and don’t keep in heart because in the first place we are doing good and why should we feel bad about it. Just don’t make enemy although his action can be very painful for a little while. all that I can say is we must know ourselves very well and we will not feel the pain that much when our kind intention is not expecting something in return. We just do it wholeheartedly ! :-))
Thanks for sharing this great post :-))
Cheers
Pearly
Pearly Quah recently posted…Understanding Massage (Part 1)
Pearly, these are great points. Openness, honesty, and trust go a long way to make relationships work.
Hey Stephen,
I think people who criticize are the people who are not satisfied with themselves.
They feel poor about themselves so they have to bring others down so they can feel some sort of superiority.
Oh well, nobody is perfect.
One thing I learned : Whatever label you put on somebody that is also in you.
cheers
Akos
There is nothing more soul destroying than someone who constantly puts you down. I have had my fair share of that and sadly most of it came from my father when I was young. That affected me somewhat and as a result, as I got older I would let my friends do the same. Once when I was dating a girl from another country everyone put me down. One day I woke up and said to myself “ive had enough” and decided from that day on that I would be my own man and did what I wanted. I have been a happily married man now for nearly 20 years
I used to be with a man who was constantly putting me down. I used to think he was right when he told me over and over again that he is with someone who is not meant to play the role of a wife. But when I think back, I realize it’s not my fault that he had expectations too high for me to meet. When you find yourself surrounded with people who are always belittling you, my advice is to walk away. Never stay and hope they will change, because they rarely do.
Wonderful post Stephen,
I am at an age where most of what it is written here is just on teh back burner… well, probably not just because of my age.. but that has something to do, because while going along life as I did… HAD to learn how to intercept all the above 5 example given in this post and probably more… I am now at a level in my life where I just focus on what’s important with GOD as my MAIN GUIDE and what other people have to say, think or do about… I respect it as being their business and I leave it to just that… moving forward and enjoy the company of people who have similar ways of living as me… and together we will create a better world that is positive and beneficial to everyone…hope you are part of that so called Tribe Stephen, I sense that you are and that is wonderful..
Thanks for sharing such a great post…………….. nickc
Nick Catricala recently posted…InnerVeritas
Nick, thank you for your insightful comments. Focusing on God as your Main Guide, you can’t go wrong. Proverbs 3:5-6 promises that. I pray that I may be part of a positive Tribe of people working to make this world a better place, like you are as well 🙂