Positive Self Talk: Have You Got It?
Are you ready to get on board with positive self talk? Life is a sport. We’re all athletes in the game of life.
Sometimes we hit a home run. Other times we strike out.
Have you ever noticed that some athletes seem to fade when they make mistakes. Others, however, find the will to win, no matter how many mistakes they’ve made.
I recently watched Maria Sharapova defeat Marion Bartoli.
Maria lost the first set 3-6.
However, her sheer will and determination came through in the next two sets.
After every point she won, she would pump her fist and yell in celebration.
Then, before the next serve, she turned her back on her opponent and had a conversation with herself. I don’t know what she told herself, but she literally overwhelmed her opponent over the next six games.
Here’s what this writer and Maria say about her mental toughness:
12 of Maria’s matches this season have gone into a third set, and she has remarkably won all 12 of them.
“It’s a great statistic,” Sharapova said. ”It shows that I enjoy the battle, no matter what the score is. The third set is the last set out there, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t put everything out there. That’s kind of how I treat those situations.”
Do You Want To Win in the Game of Life? Here’s How
Dr. Voight, sports psychologist for the championship University of Southern California Women’s Volleyball team explains how positive self talk helps us win.
Here’s what William James, Harvard psychologist, had to say:
“He who would be useful, strong, and happy must cease to be a passive receptacle for the negative, beggarly, and impure streams of thought; and as a wise householder commands his servants and invites his guests, so must he learn to command his desires and to say, with authority, what thoughts he shall admit into the mansion of his soul.”
Pay Attention
What do you say to yourself? How do you handle tough situations?
Write it down! When you’re feeling particularly upset, disgusted, ashamed, or bummed out, capture it on paper.
- What was the situation?
- What feelings were you experiencing? (rate the intensity from 1-100)
- What were you saying about the situation?
- Now: what can you say to help yourself cope more productively?
Catch Your Thinking Errors
Thinking errors, or cognitive distortions, make every situation seem worse than it is.
I used to dispute this. After all, if a situation stinks, it really stinks. But our thinking errors make real situations worse.
For example, if Maria Sharapova missed a shot, she could tell herself, “I’m an idiot. I’m always doing that. What was I thinking?” Will that statement increase or decrease her confidence? How true is that statement? You be the judge.
I’m not going to list all the cognitive distortions here, but Psych Central’s list of 15 Common Cognitive Distortions should help you out.
Memorize these distortions. Then, when you’re writing down situations that upset you, catch your cognitive distortions and challenge them.
Observe Without Judgement
Once you’ve mastered awareness of your self-talk, don’t beat yourself up for having the thoughts!
It’s normal for many of us who have a pessimistic streak to think negative thoughts.
Here’s a helpful exercise I learned at a professional workshop.
When you’re particularly down or discouraged, sit in a comfortable chair, take some deep breaths, and imagine yourself in a beautiful meadow looking up at puffy clouds going by.
The clouds are your thoughts.
Notice them going through your mind. Don’t judge them. Practice compassion.
Then you can choose to change those thoughts into more constructive ones.
Practice Healthy Affirmations
Writing as a Christian, I believe that the Bible is the most powerful weapon against self-defeating attitudes and thoughts.
Rhonda Jones struggled with depression for years. When she began meditating upon Scripture, she started healing from emotional wounds.
She designed a Christian meditation audio program, Eliminating Stress and Toxic Emotions (yes, this is an affiliate link I believe in), to help thousands of others change their attitudes and thinking Biblically.
As I have started memorizing Scripture, I’ve found that specific Bible verses become my positive affirmations. Scripture Typer, a free program, has helped me overcome my mental resistance to memorizing. And it’s fun!
Here’s an excellent affirmation by Zig Ziglar, well-known author and motivational speaker.
How is positive self talk helping you? How are you going to apply these truths this week?
photo credit: alphababy
I must admit I rarely talk to myself – by nature I’m a very positive person, so even if I fall into a funk it normally is a short run. In fact I’ve learned to let myself go with it – I find it I just take a walk or drive, or even take a break and read a few pages of a good thriller, before I know it I’m back in gear. Thanks for the tips and inspiration.
marquita herald recently posted…The One Thing I Want to Accomplish Before I Die
It helps to “go with it”, and even to just do something differently. I’ve also found it helpful to call a trusted friend and talk things out, versus letting problems build up in my head.
I love the idea of writing down our situations so that we can “talk” ourselves out of that situation. I’ve found this post very inspirational.
Just an observation, the doubting self talk starts young – my 6 year old does it and it’s something I’m going to be working on with her, or it will hold her back all of her life.
Sarah Arrow recently posted…[Video] Can you master Facebook marketing?
The beauty of your learning about self-talk is that you can teach your daughter the same habits of thinking and ‘talking’. You can affirm to her what a beautiful person she is 🙂
Many of us, daily, practice negative affirmations. While it’s tempting to blame society/parents for making us feel inadequate… we often allow ourselves to talk badly TO ourselves on a daily, non-ending stream! Until we put a stop to THAT, all of the positive self talk in the world isn’t going to help. The first step is learning to LISTEN (imagine that!) to what we are telling ourselves. Find out what triggers us, what those fears are, and address them through corrected, positive, supportive language.
Kim
Kimberly Castleberry recently posted…Content Marketing Tip #8 – Tune In To WII.FM
Wow, Kimberly, I couldn’t have said it any better! Thanks for the input.
Hi Stephen,
Thank you very much for sharing this video. I know it is normal to fall into the trap of negative thoughts. This is an excellent video showing how we can change our negative thoughts to more focus, motivation and productivity. It is very wise to be aware that negative thoughts such as “I hope” and “What if” make things worse. We can change them to the present.
Using technical cues to distract the negative thoughts is a very interesting concept. I have never heard of using it so I will definitely give this a try. Being on a sports team is a great analogy to life! The court represents our life for the moment, and we are the players. Our success depends upon our thoughts and how we approach circumstances. Also your observation without judgement is very helpful. Thanks!
Raena Lynn
Raena Lynn recently posted…What’s Wrong With Me?
Raena, thanks for contributing to the conversation. We can also use the What If question to ask empowering What If’s. What if my business idea works out? What if I succeed? What if I double my income by doubling my value next year? And so on.
When my husband was medically retired from the military I had fell into a deep funk. Our financial standing had taken a hit. We were battling with the VA to treat my husbands injuries and mental health issues in a timely enough manner and I had a 1 1/2 year old to take care on top of it. My plate was overflowing and I was hating life. Fortunately I ran across The Secret on Netflix and decided to watch it because I remember all the hoopla back when the book first come out. That movie changed my outlook greatly and helped me deal the negative thoughts and feelings I had been keeping pent up. So I can attest that positive self talk can work wonders. I know a couple of people that have a constant negative outlook and could benefit from reading your posts.
Melanie Young recently posted…Inspiration Just Around the Corner
Melanie, thank you for sharing your story. I can see from the work you’re doing on your own site that you’ve turned the corner to bring some great things into your life. Thank you for your input.
Hi Stephen,
This is indeed an enlightening post! This is really unfortunate that in the busy life, we all forget to take time to talk to oneself. We are all busy talking to others, listening to other talk but hardly no time spent talking to “Self”.
I would say, self talk should be the first step of personal development or any kind of development for that matter. Knowing yourself should be the first step.
Annetta Powell recently posted…Organo Gold Scam: Top Twelve Allegations
Annetta, thank you for your encouraging input. It’s true: we spend a lot of time talking to others. And actually, we spend a lot of time speaking to ourselves as well, but we’re often not aware of what we’re saying, and many times, it’s not helpful stuff.
Although I did not write my issues, down, I made a mental note when it came to my health. I got tired of being overweight and thought on how it was because I made excuses. I decided to stop giving into those excuses. I feel better, more energetic, and even more positive. And all it took was encouraging myself. Positive self talk works.
Nile recently posted…WordPress Video: The WordPress Comment System
Nile, isn’t it powerful, that all it took was a mental note and some encouragement. Also, you thought about the Why of where you were, and the Why of where you wanted to go. Powerful stuff!
This is a great explanation of how our self talk works, it is actually the perfect way to describe that process.
We all grow up learning to listen to the words of others, but most of us are not taught to actually listen with a critical ear to what we are telling ourselves. And mostly we are not taught that we have the power to change the tenor of our self talk. But when we do change our affirmation from negative to positive, it is amazing to see the corresponding changes in our entire lives.
Thank you Stephen, for a great post and for being willing to share these ideas with us.
Michael recently posted…EFT Abundance Tapping
Michael, thank you. Your blog changes readers’ self talk powerfully, through metaphors, analogies, and stories. Keep up the great work!
Hi Stephen,
You have explained this so well. I use this method frequently especially when I’m in a situation that unnerves me. I started practicing it to re-program myself for calmness, then for being more focused in my business. I’ve done it so long that it is second nature to me now.
I highly suggest your readers give it a shot! It may take some practice, but it is worth it.
Donna
Donna Merrill recently posted…Google+ Hangout With Patricia Gozlan
Donna, the great thing is that it’s habitual now! Positive and optimistic self-talk, as a learned habit, yields powerful results. Thank you very much for sharing your experience!
Hi Stephen,
I loved what you said about just looking up into the clouds and imagining them as your thoughts, I talk to myself quite a bit lately and I’ve caught myself out quite a few times doing it, either when I’m annoyed or something hasn’t gone quite the way i thought it would I’ve found myself being negative towards myself and after reading your article I’m thinking why be negative towards ourselves.. Isn’t that a bit self destructive?
So…
Next time this happens i am going to sit myself down, take a deep breath, look at the clouds and think positive thoughts.
Thank you, Jessica.
Jessica van Zyl recently posted…How to Lose a Lot of Money
Jessica, it helps to show ourselves the same compassion we would show a friend. I like your strategy of noticing the thoughts, then slowing down and taking some deep breaths before changing your thinking.
Thanks for an excellent article, Stephen. I particularly liked Maria’s comment “I enjoy the battle, no matter what the score is.” In the journey of life, we fight many battles: enjoying them for themselves, regardless of the outcome, makes all the difference between enjoying life and living in fear and doubt.
Having just finished a discussion with my tax accountant I needed that reminder – thanks again!
Alan
Alan Jenkin recently posted…Exercise and Appetite
Battles are not always something we can enjoy, but we can adopt attitudes that will help us weather them more sturdily and flexibly than negative thinking will. And I hear you about those discussions with tax accountants!
Thanks for the tips and inspiration. I’m going through a rough patch and all these affirmations help me to strive for better. I’m usually a very strong person, so this little, temporary set-back is something I haven’t experienced before.
Anne @ confidence blog recently posted…Confidence To Take Risks
Anne, I’m sorry about the rough patch. But sometimes we grow the most through those times. I pray that you’ll come through this rough patch having learned valuable life lessons.
Hi! Great article. I am always amazed at the way some of us talk to ourselves–we would have no friends if we talked to others that way. I agree with Sarah that writing is important. I think it works for me for a couple of reasons: 1) I don’t always realize when I’m saying to myself but when I see it on paper, it’s undeniable, 2) if it’s a self-defeating thought that comes back over and over, writing it down helps me get rid of it. Once I have it on paper (and out of my head) I have room for more intentional and positive thoughts. That’s one of the reasons I always keep a pad of paper by my bed, I want to dump any negative thoughts before sleeping so they don’t have an opportunity to get comfortable in my mind.
Allegra recently posted…Creating Blog Content 101: Go Wide & Reach More
Allegra, you’re so right about the power of putting thoughts to paper. When we write things out, we can see them more accurately. Often when there are fearful or angry thoughts going through our head, they can seem a lot bigger than they really are.
Stephen,
It is awareness and mastery of the moment that keeps one from going down that slippery slop of self abuse. Learning to catch oneself at the onset of a mental tirade takes practice and some skill. You are so right in offering us not to beat ourselves up for, in reality, being human.
Today when my thought take a track of their own I look to see what set it off and what was the real reason behind the nose dive. I seek out someone to talk to. My wife is an excellent communicator and can usually size me up in no time. Turning it around now takes less and less time and the depths to which I succumb are much more shallow.
Practice, practice, practice!
RICK
Rick Lelchuk recently posted…Flexibility – Moving with the Flow
Hi Stephen,
your post is packed with valuable information.
Athletes are great examples of using positive self talk.
I like your suggestion to write things down when we are upset.
I process a lot in my writing. Sometimes I dig deeper and look whether it is rooted in my childhood and reassure my little girl.
Thank you so much for providing this great post!
Love and Light
Yorinda
Yorinda recently posted…Another Step towards Emotional Well Being
Oh I completely concur the way we speak to ourselves is crucial. It’s also important to be honest when we do have a chat with ourself other wise we could wind up deluded! 🙂
Sadie-Michaela Harris recently posted…Big Trends in UK Mobile 2012
Thanks, Sadie. I’ve been working on my personal year end review and goal setting process. One of the things I do is to think about areas in my life that I’m not satisfied with: relationships, career, or other things. Then I ask myself what I’m saying to myself to explain my failures. When I see those thoughts on paper, I can then write new thoughts and combine them into a new paradigm that will support me in getting the results I want.
One of the most powerful ways to remind ourselves that we are magnificent beyond compare is to take time each day to visualize how you would like to be. You can use the self – talk technique here. The more you visualize your ideal self-image, the more you will actualize it in your life.
I agree with Sarah and Allegra that writing works, write about the future that you want to be and your past successes because it can give encourages and hope. This can help us break free of those self-defeating patterns, like procrastination. It raises our energy and enthusiasm, which enables us to take positive actions. And that leads to a life lived with Full Wattage!
Great article you have here Stephen!
Patricia Anderson recently posted…How Can You Live a Fulfilling and Meaningful Life?