Do you want to know some secrets of life and death?
I’ve been to a couple of funerals over the past year, and it’s an eye opening experience. Death has a way of bringing living into very clear focus.
There is something within us that yearns for significance and meaning. We want to leave our mark on the world. We don’t want to leave this earth without touching the lives of others.
You and I have no idea how much of an impact we may have on countless lives in the course of our lifetime. Like a pebble that lands in a pond, so our lives can leave ripples and waves of influence, both good and bad, during the course of our lives.
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| Tranquility by Sean Rogers1 on Flickr Creative Commons |
Here are some specific ideas that can help us live life in such a way that we can leave a positive legacy for those whose lives we touch.
Plan Your Funeral
Steven Covey, in his material on planning your life mission statement, suggests that you plan your funeral. Lest I start to sound too gloomy, just remember that death is a great instrument for putting life in perspective. I came across an interesting resource while writing this article, called My Plan. The
questions in the guide appear to be free.. I would recommend at least copying the questions and writing up some responses to help yourself gain clarity on how you want to be living your life.
Discover and Live Your Life Mission and Purpose
“Make your life a mission — not an intermission”
“Every person above the ordinary has a certain mission that they are called to fulfill.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
All of us, myself included, tend to think too small about ourselves, God, and what is possible for us to do and be in the world. You can have a mission you can be proud of, if you take the time to find and live it.
Steve Pavlina has written a great article, How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes. You may find it helpful. Be sure to take the time to do the exercise!
Live In Line With Your Core Values
Principles are like a compass. A compass has a true north that is objective and external, that reflects natural laws or principles, as opposed to values which are subjective and internal. Because the compass represents the eternal verities of life, we must develop our value system with deep respect for “true north” principles. Stephen Covey
I think we would all agree that some people live according to values and codes that are not necessarily improving the world around them for the better. Con artists, dictators, and members of the mob should not be what we aspire to. We need to have a moral compass that guides us as we work to leave a legacy.
At the Smart Personal Development blog, Steve Pavlina provides a great list of values. Look through them and think about what your governing values should be as you live your life. If you do this, you will come to the end of your life knowing that you lived in line with your highest principles.
Think About Role Models, Past and Present
In other words, read up on great biographies. Here is a Great Biographies
Or consider other people living today who you respect and admire. What are their philosophies concerning life? What are their values? In what ways would you like to be like them?
Spend Quantity and Quality Time With Your Loved Ones
This is an key area I have to always be monitoring myself on. It’s so easy, with work projects and other tasks, to get caught up in accomplishing versus being. Life can move at a quick pace, if I am not careful to prioritize.
When I have spent times at wakes and funerals, what I am most impressed by are the pictures of the deceased, pictured in a myriad of relationships. At the end of our lives, most likely it will be the people in our lives, and the qualities of those relationships, that are among the things we count most dear.
So, how is it going for you? Have you been able to clear up old misunderstandings and possibly resentments with old friends? Or, are you willing to let them go? Have you taken a hard look at your own responsibility in relationships that may have gone south? Are you working as hard at your close relationships as you are working on your career goals?
The beauty of today is that I can create my legacy by the way I prioritize and choose to spend my time. I can learn from the past, and live in such as way as to not regret it going forward.
Learn the Paradox of Self-Forgetting
Don’t get me wrong. It’s important to take time for ourselves, to recharge our batteries, to get the right amount of rest, relaxation, nutrition, meditation, and prayer. However, it’s far too easy to live inside a selfish comfort zone, forgetting that there are people all around us who are in need.
One of my favorite prayers comes from St. Francis of Assisi:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Articles Reviewed in Preparing for This Post:
Have a Personal Mission You Can Be Proud Of!
Life, Death, and Everything In Between
Unleashing Your Dreams: Living Up To Your Full Potential
How To Leave A Great Legacy
photo credit: Sean Rogers1
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I am sorry to hear that you have been to funerals lately.
Death is scary because we don’t feel we are finished. I have been taught many exercises that help us face death and therefore embrace life, generally I don’t think they work, but the one common denominator, which is true, it that you should charish your life and live every day to the fullest.
Daniel, thank you for your comments. I like your comment about the one common denominator: enjoying and cherishing life every day. It helps to have faith in something greater than life itself, but that’s a subject for another post altogether 🙂
Hey Steve,
Many people forget that their lives will end some day. It’s important to remember what we value in life in order to stay on course.
I do know of several older folks who are well to do financially and live in their comfort zone. Life must be boring and predictable for them.
Justin, thanks for your comment. The older folks you speak of are probably just a small percentage. The Baby Boomer generation, which is now becoming the “older” generation is among those who lived very much outside of their comfort zone, challenging a lot of the status quo during the Nixon administration. They are among the largest demographic, and I have a feeling they have a lot to teach us. A great number of them are re-defining retirement and launching out on new ventures: so it’s not boring and predictable for all of them 🙂
I was on Beth Allen’s blog today and saw a comment you had made there and I felt compelled to visit your site. I’m struggling with the death of my best friend. I try to find comfort in knowing that she her life was short but it was very, very full, but mostly it frustrates me. I see people not really “living” and I can’t help feel resentful they get time on earth to waste when she wanted to badly to survive and live every day to the fullest.
Arlie, I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your best friend. Perhaps the best way to celebrate her life is by the way you model living life to the fullest. I recently lost a good friend and co-worker as well, and the pain of her absence is very real. She was so full of life and compassion.
Thank you Stephen for your personal response. I will try to honor her by living my life to the fullest.
Arlie, you are very welcome 🙂
Hi Stephen,
Thanks for sharing this post to people who clearly benefit from your words. I agree, we have to live life to the fullest and not take it for vantage. As a Buddhist we are taught to make the most of our time in this state of mind where we have freedom to practice what we want. We must be mindful to show compassion to others and treat people how we would like to be treated.
Great post Stephen,
Aidan
Being mindful of others and treating them with compassion: that’s a daily reminder I want to take with me the rest of my life. Thanks for sharing, Aidan 🙂
Hey Stephen,
Thanks for this very inspirational article! You know one of the craziest services I ever attended was for a dear friend who passed away far too soon and far too young, and worst of all his death was listed as “unknown cause” (thought related to his time served in Vietnam). He was a fun loving, party guy who had scores of friends … friends who kidnapped his body from the mortuary and stood him up in the corner at his favorite bar in Sunset Beach so he could attend his own wake – I kid you not!
Wow, Marquita: now that’s what I call living to the extreme! Did you attend the wake? It must have been quite the time!
I have had 3 funerals in the last 7 months. Yes, it does make you think. I just read over the resources. I really think if everyone takes the time to answer the My Plan questions, that will help not only oneself, but love ones, too.
Jaden
Despite some of the levity in the previous comments, death truly is a very serious matter. It’s so important to reflect on it thoroughly in order to be best prepared. Thanks, Jaden, for your input. That’s a lot of funerals, and I’m sorry for your losses.
hi, thanks for this.
It’s a reality that death comes to every person and this article of yours made me think and assess myself, have already left a mark in this world and count how many lives have I touched already?
I have a friend who already planned his funeral and i told him i find it weird and now I know where did he get this idea. great post.
Adrian, thanks for the comment. I think it’s important for us to come face to face with dying periodically to find out how important life really is.