Smart Goal Setting For Personal Learning
What if you could go back to the beginning of last year? What if you could go back to the future?
Like the person who is chronically late to work, only puts forward a little effort, complains about everything, and wonders why s/he is never promoted?
Or the husband who fails, year after year, to hear the complaints his wife has about certain of his habits or about things he is not doing for the relationship? He then wonders, years later, why she is asking for a divorce.
Paradoxically, a little work up front can prevent years of failure, mediocrity, and running in circles chasing your tail.
This is the third article of a ten part series designed to help you have your Best Year Yet
In the first article, we wrote down all our victories, big and small, for the past year.
Last week, we talked about taking a clear-eyed look at our disappointments, big and small, for the past year.
Since I am completing this series along with you, I’ll share some of my own disappointments from this past year.
In doing this, I reflected on the past year, listened to my intuition, and reviewed my top 10 goals from the previous year.
Some disappointments:
- I did not take a truly exclusive father son vacation. This has been something I had done the prior two years. I did take a trip with my son to visit my parents and my son’s cousins, but it was not quite as special, and there was not as much as father son time during this trip.
- I did not pay off as much personal debt as I would have liked to.
- I did not get organized at home to the degree that I wanted to.
- I did not complete the number of home projects that I wanted to.
- I did not take formal trainings in my specific areas of specialty in my counseling practice. (I am working on a specific certification for drug and alcohol counseling, so most of my training focused on that area)
- I did not spend enough time in prayer and meditation.
I’ve not shared all my disappointments (there are more), but that will give you an idea of some of the expectations I did not fulfill this year.
Here is the Lazy Man’s Way to Make This One of Your Best Years Yet: Ask, “What Did I Learn?”
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| Rodin’s “The Thinker” by Time Traveler on Flickr |
In this article, I’m going to show you that you need to take what you learned both from your victories and your disappointments, and unearth the gold and diamonds from that soil. You do this by asking yourself what you have learned, from both your successes and your failures.
Tune into WIIFM
We won’t make any changes in our lives if we don’t figure out: What’s In It For Me?!
First, by learning the lessons we need to learn, we will be making a difference in the lives of others.
By becoming a better version of me, I can positively impact my family, my friends, and my customers.
Second, by learning the lessons from our victories and disappointments,
we empower ourselves to leave ineffective habits and thought patterns behind.
For example, I used to be very tentative with stepping outside of my comfort zone. One year after completing this exercise, I realized I needed to value calculated risks. Due to taking some of those risks, I was able to move ahead in significant ways. Had I not learned this lesson, I might have stayed stagnant in those areas.
By leaving ineffective habits and thought patters behind, we can literally re-write the future!
We can work to move ahead much more quickly in different areas of our life:
our family, our work, our finances, our health, the quality of our friendships, our spirituality, our service to your community.
Our own experience of the past year is full of hints about success, increasing income, growing in our faith, building positive relationships, moving ahead at work, and making the kind of difference we want to make.
Examples of Questions You Can Use:
a) When reviewing your list of accomplishments for the past year:
- What was the secret of my success?
- What worked?
- Why was I able to do what I did?
- What patterns of thinking were most constructive to me?
- What beliefs helped me the most?
b) When reviewing your list of disappointments for the past year:
- What didn’t work, and why?
- What would have worked better?
- What’s the lesson?
- What patterns of thinking got in the way?
- What beliefs got in my way?
As you answer the above questions, here are some more questions from Ms. Ditzler to help you drill down even further:
- What changes do I need to make in the way I operate?
- How can I do things differently?
- What advice do I have for myself (show yourself compassion, do not judge)?
- Do I need more discipline?
- Have I been as honest with myself and others as I need to be?
- Am I living in line with my values?
- Am I taking care of myself as well as I need to?
- Do I face difficult problems as quickly as I should?
- Have I let others support me?
- Do I listen to friends’ advice and seriously consider taking it?
- Am I as supportive of others as I want to be?
- What lessons are there for me in my work?
- Do I say “thank you” enough?
Turn Your Lessons Into Personal Guidelines
If you have not done so already, take a look at both your victories and disappointments. Start writing down all the lessons that come to mind.
Once you have written down as many lessons you can think of, it will be time to look them over and pick the three most important ones. These will be called your personal guidelines.
Why not more than three? It’s because of Pareto’s Principle, which states that 80% your effectiveness will come from 20% of the things you do. By narrowing your guidelines down to three, you will be choosing the three life lessons from the last year which will make the biggest impact in your life over the next year.
Now, once you have selected the top three lessons, turn them into your personal guideline statements.
Use clear and powerful language. State the guidelines actively, and with positive language. Don’t use negative language, such as “Stop” or “Don’t.”
Here are my three guidelines for the year:
a) Put the Big Rocks In First (this refers to Steven Covey’s example of Filling a Pail With Sand and Rocks: if you put the Rocks in First, you will be able to pour the sand around it. In the same way, when we put the Most Important Things into our schedule, the rest of life will work itself out).
b) Small Sacrifices Daily Add Up to Long Term Prosperity (this refers to paying down debt)
Here are some other examples from Best Year Yet readers:
- Be healthy
- Put family first
- Face the music
- Do what I know to do
- Ask for help when I need it
- Have fun!
- Live in the moment.
I hope you will put this exercise into practice! Let me know what lessons you learned this year. What personal guidelines are you going to use this year? Please comment below!
About Stephen Borgman
There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.
candice michelle recently posted…שיווק סלולרי
Hi Stephen,
thank you for this great post packed with so many great suggestion, WoW!
Isn’t it interesting that “80 % of our effectiveness come from 20 % of what we do” as you mentioned.
I like you suggestion c) Embrace your Inner Adult.
For me it is very important to take care of my wounded Inner Child, because if I don’t her unresolved feelings will seep into my present and make it hard to get on with things. Learning how to re-parent myself (with the help of my Inner Adult) was/is part of that process.
Much appreciated!
Love and Light
Yorinda
Yorinda recently posted…Making Changes and the Limbic Lag
Yorinda, taking care of our inner child is actually a big part of embracing the inner adult, I would say. It’s part of taking responsibility for our personal growth. When we take care of this, all others around us will be grateful. Thanks for being open about your process.
Stephen,
What a great post. For the past few years I have been writing an extensive list of my accomplishments for the previous year and my goals for the current year. And that feels wonderful, looking at all those things I have done. But I did not take the time to evaluate what worked and what didn’t work, what led to a sense of success and what felt like busy work or time consuming with little real value. You have given me a whole new perspective for this year.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted…Love in the Blizzard of Life – Day 26 – EMPATHY
Dr. Erica, I’m glad some of these questions can add to your perspective for the new year. I’m sure you’ve got quite an extensive list of accomplishments: I’ve enjoyed seeing you bring many projects to fruition.
I like your illustration of putting in the big rocks first. Sometimes I forget to do this and worry about the tiny, niggly things, so thanks for this reminder.
I plan this year to go to my gut feelings. I’ll decide how things make me feel. The feelings I want more of, are the things I’m going to make an important part of my life. I’m sure they’ll be related to family, godliness, goodness, laughter and giving back.
Anne @ confidence blog recently posted…How To Build Confidence In Positives
Anne, when we listen to that quiet voice in our gut, we’ll often make the best choices. The values you listed are definitely worthy ideals! Thank you for your input!
Hey Steven, Tune into your WIIFM! I read this on a blog yesterday and it really hit home with me . Be the leader you always wished you had. WOW! Become a better version of ME as you say. Yep this is something I am going to work hard at this year . I am going to use the questions you gave me and answer them truthfully. I am going to practice what I preach, I am going to be all I can be. I love affirmations! Thank you for sharing I am going to go back up and read this again I really enjoyed your post Chery
Chery Schmidt recently posted…Learn How To Use Google Docs To Make A Form For Craigs List
Chery, thanks so much for your input. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better as you become the best version of you this year
Hi Stephen,
Oh that good old Pareto Principle. One I live by and always go back to see how I’m doing with it. When I look back, there are things I did not accomplish, but the true essence of it is that I don’t feel bad about it. I accept it because I look at the other side of my list and see all the things I did accomplish!
Last year was the year of learning for me. I had to put on my left brain hat and learn marketing techniques which is a bit of a challenge for me because I naturally do intuitive thinking. But I Won! I did it. and crossed it off my list. Oh what a great feeling it is to cross off those things we want to accomplish.
This year is the year of applying. I started the year with my husband’s health issues that took me away from that, but that’s OK because life happens. As long as I’m on track and am living a happy life, that is what is most important for me.
I refuse to go to an anxiety state, nor do I ever give up. If things happen, I just plod along.
However, I did learn from past mistakes, not failures, because that is a word I don’t use he he. Mistakes teach me, so I do things a different way.
That, in a nutshell is what I have learned.
Donna
Donna Merrill recently posted…8 Simple Strategies to Nurture Your Online Brand
I recently read one of your articles, Donna, which is loosely related to the Pareto Principle. You spoke of your goals as being represented by a tree. On the tree there are also branches or foliage that need to be trimmed away so that there can be greater growth. That reminded me of the 80% that often can be delegated or “pruned away.”
Thanks for sharing your triumph of learning marketing techniques. And I’m excited for you as you apply yourself in 2013!
And it’s vitally important to know “how much” that 80% is… otherwise we’re just patting ourselves on the back based on guesstimates, and that’s not useful to anybody
Always track your time and results!
Micah Medina recently posted…Stop Taking Action Right Now!
I guess one of my principles, based on the past year would be, “Guard your priorities.” Guarding as in time spent and money spent. Saying no so that the top priorities win out.
Richard Goutak recently posted…Build Your List With a Giveaway Event
Terrific article Steve, and I love your guidelines. I know it’s not for everyone (by a long shot) but I actually keep a running list of the tasks I complete during the day. I tend to be rather manic when I’m not working on a BIG project so it’s easy for me to jump all over the place. By forcing myself to list each task (very brief!) as I complete it I not only stay on track, I have visual proof at the end of the day of what I’ve accomplished. This also helps me to continually evaluate timing for accomplishing priorities.
Stephen , this is a fantastic article. I was completely struck by these ideas: “First, by learning the lessons we need to learn, we will be making a difference in the lives of others; we empower ourselves to leave ineffective habits and thought patterns behind.”
I have heard the story about making sure you give yourself the oxygen on the plane first, before helping others with theirs, and while it made sense to me in the abstract, it was something that was very difficult for me to get hold of in the real world.
But reading this article puts that idea into the right perspective for me, so that I can actually apply that principle in my life to make my own life work for me, so that I can work with others to help them with their thoughts. Thank you.
Michael Shook recently posted…Positive Thinking Made Simple
Michael, I’m so glad you were able to apply something from the article. Those life lessons gleaned from hard earned experience are priceless when applied.
Stephen this is amazing post.. so much information, so much research, so much attention to details.. you are for sure a PROFESSIONAL and everyone who get in touch with you will benefit very much for sure.
All what you wrote is very helpful, your guidelines and all… but when I got to the end and read this list: “c) Embrace Your Inner Adult
Here are some other examples from Best Year Yet readers:
Be healthy
Put family first
Face the music
Do what I know to do
Ask for help when I need it
Have fun!
Live in the moment.”
I COULD NOT HELPED than stop everything and keep reading it over again because it makes so much sense to me..’
Thanks so much for giving all you have to support others… I am certain your life is enriched many times over and you deserve it.
Thanks again.
nickc
nick catricala recently posted…Spring is Here… What’s Your Plans?
The biggest lesson that I learned this year is that my time management absolutely sucks.
If I went back and added up all the time I wasted on Facebook, or reading emails, or watching “trainings” I bet it would encompass over half the year all together.
And though I am productive and able to meet deadlines, I always feel rushed. Or end up getting up from the computer at the end of the day realizing that I have not accomplished all that much.
That is one thing I have to fix this year.
Clint Butler recently posted…How To Find Your Tribe Who Will Invest In Your Products
The biggest lesson I learned this year is I have control over the choices I make. I am really the creator of my own life and it that there is freedom to be and do what I want. I don’t need approval from anyone.
Lesly Federici recently posted…The Inside Story