personal leadership

Build Your Life Like Martin Luther King Jr

John 12:24-25 I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Jesus Christ, fortelling his coming death

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Jim Elliot, Christian martyr, 1945

As a Caucasian, I have a lot of shame for the infamous history of slavery and segregation in our country. One man changed all that, and his name was Martin Luther King, Jr.

What can you and I learn about personal leadership development from this one man?

Study!!

Readers are Leaders

Education is not everything, but it does develop our character and our knowledge, exposes us to different viewpoints, and gives us a platform to speak from. Marting Luther King, Jr. developed his personal effective through vigorous study, earning his PhD in theology. It takes vision and character to commit yourself to the effort, discipline, and self-sacrifice that such study requires. But, like all things in life, a key success factor to significance and fulfillment is to live life from a long-term perspective. This allows you to sacrifice the gratification of the short-term to reap the rewards of a long-term commitment.

Learn from Live Leaders

Martin Luther King, Jr., learned and absorbed lessons from many key leaders. His most important personal leadership development came from his visit to India, to visit with Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. It was from this great soul that Martin Luther formulated his own values and vision of changing a society through peaceful, organized, and non-violent opposition.Who are you choosing as your role models? What are you reading? I urge you to start setting aside up to one hour per day purely for reading and study. And I urge you to be on the lookout for leaders who you can look up to and learn from.

Be Faithful with Little Things, and You Will Be Promoted to Bigger Things

Martin Luther King, Jr. started out as a minister at a small congregation. He honed his speaking skills, and became a gifted preacher. What is your personal career development plan? Do you have one? There are two extremes to avoid here. One is to become impatient with your place and to go negative. In this instance, you have a pair of complaining glasses on, and you can only see what is wrong with your boss, with your co-workers, and with the duties of your job. The other extreme is to avoid all planning for the future, to be afraid of taking on bigger challenges.

By paying rigorous attention to your personal career strengths, by setting your goals, by pro-actively taking on greater responsibility, being early for work, and staying late when needed, you will be sharpening your personal skills, which are your greatest assets. Don’t ever neglect to plow your own plot of ground, for in it you will find the diamonds of greatness that may lead to your next opportunity.

Clarify and Commit to a Bigger Vision

You will find that a pure pursuit of material success will, in the long run, lose its luster. True personal leadership development comes, paradoxically, with a certain denial of self, for without it you will not find true significance.

Before I lose you with this statement, you must realize that true legacies come from service to a greater good. In order to do this, you must clarify your values, know your abilities and talents, and figure out how you can align your abilities and talents with a way or ways to serve humankind and your Creator.

Figure out what legacy you will leave behind!

Check out this powerful quote from Martin Luther King, Jr:

“ I’d like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King Jr. tried to give his life serving others. I’d like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King Jr. tried to love somebody.

I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question. I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry. I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked. I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison. And I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.”

Wow! And again, I will say, Wow! What are you going to give your life to?

Be Willing to Be Controversial

Anyone who is doing anything of impact in life is going to get criticism. Be prepared. Make it your companion. Listen carefully and non-defensively to what is being said in the criticism. But then be willing to do what it takes to stay true to your values and to your vision. Martin Luther King, Jr. drew all sorts of criticism from whites and from his own race.

He was criticized for being non-violent, he was criticized as being a Communist, he was criticized for putting children in harm’s way during protests. He was under incredible pressure. Yet he prayed, he thought, he wrote, he reflected, and he made his stand.

Listen to this great quote in the midst of one of his waves of criticism:

“And then I got to Memphis. And some began to say the threats, or talk about the threats that were out. What would happen to me from some of our sick white brothers? Well, I don’t know what will happen now. We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn’t matter with me now. Because I’ve been to the mountaintop. And I don’t mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. And I’m happy, tonight. I’m not worried about anything. I’m not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.”

Decide to Be Courageous!

As you can see from the quote above, Martin Luther King, Jr. was a courageous man. Without courage, he never would have accepted the position of leading the civil rights movement. Without courage, he never would have organized the first peace marches. Without courage, he never would have stood up for his place in the midst of severe criticism from inside and outside his ranks. Without courage he would not have stayed true to his larger vision and mission. Without Martin Luther King Jr’s courage, President Obama might never have become president. Without courage, people of all races in the United States would not have the same civil liberties they have today.

How do you get courage so that you can increase your personal effectiveness and promote your personal development?

Think of something that you have put off because of fear. Put it on the calendar for sometime this week and Do It!!
Practice exercising your courage muscles on a regular basis. When needed, assert your place. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. (This is written for those who don’t regularly do so, not for those who often speak too much :).

I hope that you will take time to reflect on Martin Luther King, Jr. this week: his example, his life, and his legacy!

photo credit: caboindex

It’s The Little Things That Help the Tortoise Beat the Hare

By Stephen Borgman 31 Comments

It’s The Little Things That Ensure Victory and Success

You know that expression, “Slow and steady wins the race”? Ever heard the story of the tortoise and the hare? Ladies and gentlemen, I’m the tortoise. Give me enough time, and I will beat virtually anybody, anytime, in any competition. Why? Not because I’m the best or the smartest or the fastest. I’ll win because of the positive habits I’ve developed, and because of the consistency I use in applying those habits. I’m the world’s biggest believer in consistency. I’m living proof that it’s the ultimate key to success, yet it’s one of the biggest pitfalls for people struggling to achieve. Most people don’t know how to sustain it. I do.” ~Darren Hardy, author of The Compound Effect

Two Examples of Little Things

Enron: An Example of Little Things Gone Bad

This top energy corporation employed thousands of people. The founders thought they were changing the world when they started the business. But over time, they became proud and forgot what got them to the top in the first place. Through a series of unethical choices, they squandered billions of dollars and spiraled thousands of people into poverty.

Wikipedia says this:

According to McLean and Elkid in their book The Smartest Guys in the Room, “The Enron scandal grew out of a steady accumulation of habits and values and actions that began years before and finally spiraled out of control.”

Jeremy Lin: An Example of Little Things Gone Good

Jeremy Lin unexpectedly became the New York Knicks’ star guard last year. As an Asian American graduate of Harvard who’d been playing in the minor leagues, he may have questioned whether his dream of starting in the NBA would materialize. Watch the video to see what happened.

Here’s a quote about Jeremy Lin’s “luck”

We see an “overnight success.” But a thorough examination reveals a lifetime of preparation and patience. Jeremy’s father taught him everything he knew about basketball. And as a kid Jeremy was either at school, at church, or in the gym working on his game. While other NBA-ers view the D-League as a D-motion, Jeremy used the time to truly “D-velop” mid- and long-range jumpers. Here’s another equation of sorts: If you hope to be half as lucky as Jeremy Lin, prepare twice as hard as Jeremy Lin. ~Devon Harris, Positively Positive Blog

What Little Things Are You Doing Daily to Win the Race?

Are you waking earlier?

Are you eating healthy foods?

Are you exercising on a consistent basis?

Are you constantly learning new things in life and business?

Are you taking action daily to become a better life partner or friend?

Every day, you and I are either coasting, going backward, or improving.

Each day, you and I can a) stay the same, and end up in the same place we’re currently in years from now; b) make worse choices and end up worse (overweight, in debt, lapses of integrity, ruined relationships) years from now; or c) figure out who we want to become and the results we want to achieve and take small steps daily to work toward that person and those results.

Here’s An App I’m Using To Become The Tortoise

I’m not promoting this app as an affiliate. I heard about this app on the This Is Your Life podcast.

After watching the short video about Irunurun, I paid my 99 cents and signed up. (It’s a phone app).

I’ve input my most important actions, and I’m now tracking them daily.

If you don’t own a smartphone, you can still track your most important positive habits, or form positive habits at Habit Forge. (this site is free).

Either way, it’s the little things that will make or break you in life. I hope you’ll choose the little things that will make you!

photo credit: BAD RABBIT INC.

Now You Can Have Optimism: The Key To Personal Success

By Stephen Borgman 21 Comments

Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald’s Corporation, had a key quality for living life to the full.Last week, we discussed the key personal success factor of practicing gratitude.This week, I’m going to share with you a way of thinking that can add years to your life. It’s also key to improving your personal leadership.It’s learned optimism.

Here’s a quote from Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald’s, that illustrates this quality of optimism:

I was 52 years old. I had diabetes and incipient arthritis. I had lost my gall bladder and most of my thyroid gland in earlier campaigns, but I was convinced that the best was ahead of me.

The Flip Side of Optimism: Learned Helplessness

Dr. Martin Seligman and other cognitive psychologists have studied the anatomy of pessimism and its role in depression. Not only does pessimism lead to depression, but it also means a person is more likely to give up in the face of adversity.

Cognitive psychologists have learned that depressed and pessimistic people have predictable patterns of thinking:

They explain negative events that happen as permanent. “These events will never change”
They see negative events as being personal. “It’s my fault that these events happened.”
They explain negative events as being pervasive. “These events happen in every area of my life. I can’t do anything correctly.”

You may never realize how critical your self-talk and explanatory style is, but it’s a key factor to your personal development, your personal leadership, and your personal success! If you continue to explain negative events as described above, you become captive to a victim mentality, believing that you have no control or competence over bad things that happen in your life.

Conversely, you will have a very difficult time believing that positive events have anything to do with you! A person who is captive to learned helplessness is lik Eeyore, the pessimistic donkey from Winnie-the-Poo: Nothing is ever good, even when the sun is shining and everything is going well in the world.

You Have a Choice!

One of the most simple, yet profound facts about cognitive theory is that you can learn optimism!

And optimism has its benefits:

a) You will feel better emotionally.

b) When you feel better emotionally, you will tend to handle stress more effectively. Due to the mind-body connection, if you are feeling less stress, you will be more healthy.

c) You will develop the qualities of resilience that will help you surf the waves of adversity that come when anyone tries to carry out anything of significance and greatness.

Here are Some Optimism Tips

Become Aware!

It’s hard to change what you are not aware of. It’s taken a lifetime to get yourself into a habit of pessimistic thinking, if that’s what you struggle with. However, you can turn this around in 21 days! Write down your self-talk for the next three weeks, and you’ll start developing a way to catch your negative thought patterns before they catch you!

Cognitive therapists recommend that you write your negative thoughts on a thought record.

Here’s a worksheet you can use to record your automatic thinking about different events that occur on a day-to-day basis. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings by writing them down!

Practice the Characteristics of Optimistic Thinking

Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.

~Og Mandino

Positive Permanence: Temporary Adversity:

Optimists view failure and bad events as temporary. So the next time a bad event or a failure occurs, watch what you say to yourself. Choose to see it as temporary. “This, too, shall pass,” is a great adage from recovery circles. Apply it to your situations!

On the other hand, choose to see positive events as permanent, and not believing that happiness and good things only come around once in a while. One of the ways that you can anchor your subconscious to good things as permanent is the practice of regular gratitude.

Positive Pervasiveness

Instead of explaining negative things as those things which occur in every area of your life, compartmentalize them. This is what optimists do! In other words, they are honest about negative events, but they don’t let those events color every aspect their lives.

The alternative to generalizing negativity as pervading your whole life is to let positive experiences expand to fill every part of your life. Again, the practice of gratitude will help you notice everything that’s good in your life. This will, in turn, lead to a more optimistic mindset.

Hope

When negative events occur, make sure that you attribute temporary causes to those events.

When positive events occur, look for permanent causes to those events.

For example, you may receive a promotion by applying some of the success principles you read about in this blog, or in other books. If you are a default pessimist (who is changing into an optimist :), you will tend to discount your promotion, or try to explain it away.

By contrast, an optimist will explain the promotion as due to positive success factors and characteristics that s/he has practiced and will continue to practice. Thus, s/he expects that good things will come her/his way in the future.

Personalization

If we are used to feeling like we are victims of circumstance or learned helplessness, we blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong. We don’t feel as though we have the abilities or talents to make good things happen in our life.

Practice the opposite! When bad things happen, acknowledge the mistakes you made, but don’t magnify them.

To get in the habit of noticing your good qualities, make a daily mental or written victory list each evening before bed. What did you do well? What are you proud of? What are you glad that you accomplished?

You can also take some time to write or visualize ideal scenarios of who you are becoming, or what you will be accomplishing.

Think about who you would like to become, in terms of character, one year from now.

My mission on this blog is to help you grow in your personal development and personal leadership. Apply the optimism tips from this post. Think about what accomplishments you will be reflecting on one year from now: visualize them, and feel the pride!

photo credit: Barbara Cannnela

I hope you’ll make use of these optimism tips to live your best life! Please share your comments below 🙂
Like What You’re Reading? Sign Up For More!

Live Life To The Full!

By Stephen Borgman 19 Comments

If you and I are on this orbiting planet for a span of just a few years (relative to eternity), should we not live life to the full?

In the next series of posts, I am going to be sharing some insights from positive psychology author Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., author of “The How of Happiness.”

Life is not just about being happy, but I want you to think about life from this standpoint:

We each have the choice of our attitude and outlook on life: we can either choose to be unhappy, depressed, and miserable; or we can choose to be faith-filled, courageous, and realistically optimistic.

The first personal success factor for an optimal life is actually celebrated throughout the Bible.

Jesus Christ modeled this positive practice throughout His life on earth in the following passages:

Matthew 15:36; Matthew 26:26; Mark 8:6; Mark 14:22; Luke 22:19; John 6:23.

What exactly is this first strategy for positive life change?

It’s the practice of counting your blessings, otherwise known as giving thanks!

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart

Why is it that such a simple practice is so neglected?

Here are some reasons I can think of off the top of my head:

Some of us are just more geared toward pessimism.

When going through stress and hard times, it may be even harder.

And if we have a habit of complaining or pessimism, it takes more effort to give thanks than it does to complain.

It’s not too late to change.

Contrary to what you may believe, you are not a prisoner of your past or of your habits. You can change the course of your life starting today.

Here are some suggestions to help you develop an attitude of gratitude

Be Aware of the Benefits of Gratitude

Upward Spirals

Positive psychology researchers have shown that gratitude can promote upward spirals in your life. Think about it: when you start thinking about your blessings, it may prompt you to do something to express your thanks. When you express your thanks to a person in your life, it may prompt that person to offer you a favor or opportunity. That opportunity could be something that changes your life. All because you decided to give thanks.

Improved Mental, Physical and Spiritual Health

I don’t have a ream of statistics to share with you on this point, but medical researches have well documented the link between the mind and body. The more you practice gratitude, the more faith and courage you will muster. And the more positive you are in mind and spirit, the more healthy your body will be. Negative, depressed patterns of thinking take a toll on your body, mind, and emotions!

The Pursuit of Happiness: Gratitude Exercises

Here are some gratitude exercises to help you create a new outlook on life:

Decide to Be Grateful

Once you have examined and become convinced of the benefits of gratitude, you’ve got to commit to develop the discipline of gratitude in your life. i would encourage you to post some stickis on your dashboard, at your computer at work, or even on your bathroom mirror. “Practice Gratitude”

Keep a Gratitude Journal

There is something about writing things down that makes them even more real. Take time to write down at least 5 things you are grateful for on a daily basis. Do this for 21 days in a row, and you’ll find that gratitude changes your thinking and outlook on life.

Practice a Fears to Gratitude List

If you are going through an experience where you tend to be depressed or anxious, this can be a very helpful practice. Draw a line down the center of a page in your gratitude journal. On one side, list all the fears going through your mind. On the other side, right a gratitude statement that corrects or counters the fear.

For example:

I’m afraid I’ll lose my job. “I’m grateful that God will provide for all my needs”

I’m afraid my child will get cancer. “I’m grateful that God watches over all of His children. He knows what is best, and will be with me in every trial”

Choose a Specific Time Each Day to Give Thanks

I have found that giving thanks before going to bed seems to set the tone for my sleep and for my waking attitude. By focusing on my blessings, it puts me in a positive frame of mind, both conscious and unconscious.

Use Photos or Art to Express Your Gratitude

If you have a smart phone, you can take pictures to preserve images of loved ones, or of positive memories you have recently had. or you can draw out what you are grateful for. Pictures have a way of connecting our

Practice Expressing Thanks to Friends, Co-Workers, Neighbors, and Colleagues

Written Thanks:

One of my goals this year includes sending a thank you to every person who refers a new client to me. This post is inspiring me, because I have a few cards to write already! At work, you may have the opportunity to nominate co-workers for jobs well done. If you do not have a formal recognition program, you can at least write them a thank you note.

You may also want to consider writing brief thank you notes of gratitude to different friends in your life. Just because. This is also a good business networking practice. People love to feel appreciated!

Use texting or e-mail.

In this 21st century, this is a very postive use for technology, and a very easy way to express thanks to people in your life.

>Spoken Thanks

Take time to call someone on the phone just to let them know what you are grateful for: their friendship, something they may have done for you recently, or just that you know them.

For years, I’ve made a habit of calling my parents every Friday morning just to touch base and to keep our relationship current. We always end the conversation with an “I love you.” Years after they are gone, I will always remember our Friday morning conversations.

I hope you’ve found these gratitude exercises to be helpful. Practice them on a consistent basis, and you will notice a change in your outlook and your life.

photo credit: AlicePopkorn

Like What You’re Reading? Sign Up For More!

Skyrocket Your Personal Leadership Now

By Stephen Borgman 28 Comments

Part of performing and succeeding like an Olympian is learning how to unplug from stress: how to create rituals and responses to stress that will help and not hinder you. Athletes like LeBron James, Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan have all spoke of their step by step rituals for dealing with pre-game stress. It often will include naps, listening to music, tying their shoes a certain way, joking with other teammates.

You and I go through performance rituals in our personal and professional lives. Would you like to learn how to unplug like a champion? I had the fortune of coming across a very enlightening article at the Huffington Post, and I’d like to share with you what I learned, so that you can continue to take your ‘game’, personal and professional, to the next level this week.

Personal Leadership Success Factor #1: Do The Opposite

The idea here is that champions don’t get distracted and caught up in knee-jerk negative responses to adversity and problems. In order to perform, they need to execute efficiently and quickly. So to prepare for this effort, they create positive habits that serve as buffers to distress.

I’d like to introduce a way of thinking that can help you handle distress a bit better.

When a tough situation arises, I’d like you to first name your emotional state.

Is it anger or fear? Are you overwhelmed? If so, acknowledge that emotion, observe it passively, and then let it go. Don’t judge yourself for having the emotion. Be mindful of the emotion, but let it go, so that it does not paralyze you.

Next, re-label how you are thinking about the ‘problem.’

Think about the problem as an opportunity in disguise. Remind yourself that the most successful people are those who have learned to solve or accept the problems of living. Repeat these self-help motivation sayings to yourself about adversity:

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey

Problems are to the mind what exercise is to the muscles, they toughen and make strong. ~Norman Vincent Peale

Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit. ~Napoleon Hill

One resource that I use regularly for mental toughness and resilience, both for myself, and for my counseling clients, is Thoughts & Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life Workbook, McKay, Davis, and Fanning. This workbook is invaluable for identifying how you communicate to yourself, for turning frustrations into solutions, and for forming a healthy and functional belief system.

Personal Leadership Success Factor #2: Get Plenty of Sleep

Never underestimate the benefits of sleep to restore your mind and body for optimal performance. Paradoxically, you must get plenty of rest to do more.

If you would like more tips on how to improve your sleep, I have written a post about how to get a good night’s sleep.

In addition, Deep Sleep With Medical Hypnosis, by Steven Gurgevich, is a helpful audio program to help you in this regard.

Personal Leadership Success Factor #3: Take Power Naps

Rather than fighting the urge to nap, make it a regular part of your schedule. According to recent research from Mathew Walker from UC Berkeley, napping correlates positive brain power.

Another helpful resource in learning how to make naps work for you is Powrnaps Sleep System Combo Pack 26-minute Nap Audio System & Easy2sleep Audio System, 5.0 ounces Digipack .

Personal Leadership Success Factor #4: Get Clear!

Having clear goals and purposes in life, getting clear on your personal mission statement is one of the most important and beneficial things you can do.Have you taken time to find your purpose in life? If not, I am going to direct you to Celestine Chua’s article, How To Know What You Want To Do In Life.

Having perspective on who you are, what life is about, and where you want to go will help you navigate the waters of adversity when they arrive.

Personal Leadership Success Factor #5: Food and Water

NOT: sugar, salt, junk food, and not enough water!

You need eat a balanced diet of complex carbohydrates, vegetables, and fruit. And you need drink plenty of water.

I’m not so great at practicing what I preach in this area, but it makes sense that what you put into your priceless human body will strongly contribute to your success, or lack of it.

In addition to avoiding putting poisons (white sugar, white flour) into your system, taking supplements such as healthy amounts of Omega 3 fatty acids will help balance your mood and protect your heart.

Personal Leadership Success Factor #6: Pay Attention

Top athletes are very mindful and conscious of how they are performing, of their strengths and weaknesses, and areas of threats and opportunities. They are very careful to discover the best way to talk to themselves, and they always search for more efficient and powerful ways to communicate with themselves.

I recommend, again, that you buy and work through the Thoughts & Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life Workbook so that you can make powerful self communication a habit.

In addition, one of the best ways to generate helpful mindfulness is regular exercise, meditation, and longhand journaling on a weekly, if not daily, basis. I recommend The Artist’s Way Workbook by Julia Cameron as a resource that I regularly

Personal Leadership Success Factor 7: Less Is More

Many top Olympians, according to Dr. Michael Gervais, are often without cell phones, computers, TV’s, or other type of techonological chatter during the day.

I’m not saying that you should ditch all these, but it’s easy to clutter up our internal resources with too much input.

In order to get a handle on the concept that less is more, consider reading the Minimalist Blog, by Leo Babuta, author of Zen To Done: The Ultimate Simple Productivity System, The Power of Less: The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essential…in Business and in Life, and Zen Habits: Handbook For Life.

I hope you’ll use some of these success factors to skyrocket your personal leadership. How will you apply these personal leadership success factors? I look forward to hearing your responses!

Photo Credit: The US Army on Flickr

Like What You’re Reading? Sign Up For More!

Main navigation